Internal AffairsWhat could have happened after
by NotYetLostFaith
Summary: Internal Affairs ended too soon for my liking so I wrote two ways it could have ended. Chapter 1 is the friends being there for each other way, Chapter 2 is the 'sex to forget it' way. Chapter 1- T Chapter 2- M You have been warned. Read either or both.
1. Rated T

I watched Internal Affairs the other day and I thought it ended too abruptly so I wrote this. This is one way I thought it could have ended.

Rating-T

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><p>Tony stood beside the closed elevator, while Jeanne Benoit, the one woman that he had loved and been loved back by, walk out of his life.<p>

"You know that it was the right thing to do?" Ziva walked up and leant against the wall beside him.

"Statement or question?" Tony asked, desperately trying to control his composure.

"It could be either." She shrugged.

"Yes, it could, but which did you intend it to be, Agent David?" Ziva tried not to be too hurt by the formality Tony was taking with her: he was hurting and she knew of that kind of pain.

"Question."

"Then yes, I know it was the right thing. It doesn't mean I have to feel good about it." Ziva stood up straight and took his hand gently and unrequitedly.

"No, you do not have to feel good about any of this, Tony." She squeezed his hand softly before retracting herself from him. "I will be at home." She murmured. "If you should need to talk." With that she left, with only a small goodnight to an exhausted McGee, it had been a long day for everyone involved. Tony still hadn't moved by the time Ziva had made it down to her car and thrown it around the corner, heading home for the night. He sighed, closed his eyes and breathed deeply, before walking swiftly to collect his things and clocking off for the night.

It was more than four hours later when Ziva was woken up by a persistent knocking at her door. Sighing, she looked at the clock: zero hundred hours, midnight. When the knocking wouldn't stop she threw her silk dressing gown over the top of what she was wearing and went to answer the door.

"You are aware of the time yes?" She asked as she opened the door. "Good morning Tony." She greeted, not at all shocked to find him on her doorstep, subconsciously pulling her robe tighter around herself. "Are you going to just stand on my doorstep and awake my neighbours or come in?" She asked, walking back into her apartment, leaving the door open for him.

"You're not mad?" He asked, slightly slurred.

"Oh please do not tell me you drove here under the influence." She sighed, standing in her kitchen door way.

"No." He replied, running his hand through his hair. "I walked."

"From your apartment?" She asked, shocked for the first time since he had arrived. When he simply nodded, she whistled through her teeth. "It is worse than I feared yes?" She passed him a glass of water before sitting on her couch; legs folded beneath her and, after pulling her robe tighter again, patted the seat beside her. "Would you like to talk?"

"Not really." He replied, taking the seat he was offered and sipping his drink.

"Okay. Would you mind if I did?"

"Feel free." He sighed.

"She needed to hear that none of it was real in order to start the healing process. You hurt her so she could let you go. Giving her false hope, by telling her that you did in fact truly love her, would have been cruel. It was the lesser of two evils yes?" Tony closed his eyes and Ziva took the glass from him, putting it on the coffee table before taking his hand in hers. "You are a good person Tony. But you could not be 'Tony DiNardo' for the rest of your life. You must not blame yourself for choosing to stay who you are rather than give it all up to be with her."

"I don't, Zi."

"Then what are you tearing yourself up over?"

"I loved her Ziva." He paused as a tear fell silently down his cheek, neither acknowledged it. "For once in my life, I meant something to somebody. I had someone to go home to, to talk to about something other than work, to care for and be cared for by. I just wish…" He paused before whispering. "I wish it could have been different." He took his hand away from hers and picked up his glass before changing his mind. "Water just isn't gonna cut it tonight." Ziva smiled before walking into her kitchen and getting two shot glasses from the cupboard and the vodka from her freezer.

"Just this once." She warned, placing the glasses and the bottle in front of him. "And only because I know how this feels." He smiled sadly at her before pouring them both shots and passing hers to her. "Toda." She replied before they both took their drink.

Several shots later, Ziva took the bottle away from him.

"You have had enough. I know that this hurts Tony but we have work in…" She looked at the clock on the wall. "Seven hours." She had only joined him for two before switching to the water he had left on her table, so she was still thinking straight.

"But Ziva?"

"No. Now, the spare room is set." She passed him another glass of water. "Drink this." When he turned his nose up she thrust it into his hand. "The last thing you need is a hangover DiNozzo, now drink."

"Yes Mom." He moaned but drank the liquid just the same. She smiled, took the glass off him and put it on the kitchen side. "Say Zi?"

"Yes?" She asked, returning to his side and helping him to his feet.

"I woke you up didn't I?"

"What gives you that impression?"

"Umm well." He gestured to her and she looked down at herself for the first time. Her hair was a mess of loosed curls, her face stripped bare of any makeup and she was wearing only a black vest and matching hot pants with her thin deep purple silk robe thrown over the top. "I'm sorry."

"Not at all. I was expecting you. Admittedly, I thought you would have arrived sooner but, no matter." He smiled crookedly.

"Hey Zi?" She met his eye as he groaned. "I don't feel too good."

"I am not surprised Tony, you drank five shots here alone, goodness only knows what you drank before arriving." His legs gave way slightly and she caught him before he fell. "Okay, off to bed with you." She chastised gently, linking one of his arms around her shoulders.

"You know something Zi?" He turned to her refusing to go any further. "You're really pretty." She sighed and shook her head, continuing to mostly drag him to her guest bedroom. "And you're smart, and powerful, and scary, but really pretty."

"And _you_ are _drunk_." She chuckled, opening the guest room door and dragging him through it.

"I love you Ziva."

"And I love you, now will you please get into bed?" She asked, unhooking his arm from around her and depositing him safely on the bed before kneeling before him. "Come on." She encouraged as she took off his shoes and socks. "Lay down." She said after taking off his suit jacket. "I am only down the hall, should you need me." With that she pulled the cover up to his waist and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight."

"Good morning." He chuckled before turning on his side to watch her retreating from. "Hey Zi?"

"Yes, Tony?" She asked tiredly, facing him once more.

"I really do love you." She smiled.

"As do I. Now please, go to sleep."


	2. Rated M

Here's the other way I thought of. Rated for a reason.

Rating-M

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><p>Tony stood beside the closed elevator, while Jeanne Benoit, the one woman that he had loved and been loved back by, walk out of his life.<p>

"You know that it was the right thing to do?" Ziva walked up and leant against the wall beside him.

"Statement or question?" Tony asked, desperately trying to control his composure.

"It could be either." She shrugged.

"Yes, it could, but which did you intend it to be, Agent David?" Ziva tried not to be too hurt by the formality Tony was taking with her: he was hurting and she knew of that kind of pain.

"Question."

"Then yes, I know it was the right thing. It doesn't mean I have to feel good about it." Ziva stood up straight and took his hand gently and unrequitedly.

"No, you do not have to feel good about any of this, Tony." She squeezed his hand softly before retracting herself from him. "I will be at home." She murmured. "If you should need me." It was the unspoken invitation that they both knew she would offer. It was their safety net, their fall back. Every time they'd had a bad day, a too-close-to-home-case, whatever, they went to each other. With that she left, with only a small goodnight to an exhausted McGee, it had been a long day for everyone involved. Tony still hadn't moved by the time Ziva had made it down to her car and thrown it around the corner, heading home for the night. He sighed, closed his eyes and breathed deeply, before walking swiftly to collect his things and clocking off for the night.

It was more than four hours later when Ziva was woken up by a persistent knocking at her door. Sighing, she looked at the clock: zero hundred hours, midnight. When the knocking wouldn't stop she threw her silk dressing gown over the top of what she was wearing and went to answer the door.

"You are aware of the time yes?" She asked as she opened the door. "Good morning Tony." She greeted, not at all shocked to find him on her doorstep, subconsciously pulling her robe tighter around herself. "Are you going to just stand on my doorstep and awake my neighbours or come in?" She asked, walking back into her apartment, leaving the door open for him.

"You're not mad?" He asked, slightly slurred.

"Oh please do not tell me you drove here under the influence." She sighed, standing in her kitchen door way.

"No." He replied, running his hand through his hair. "I walked."

"From your apartment?" She asked, shocked for the first time since he had arrived. When he simply nodded, she whistled through her teeth. "It is worse than I feared yes?" She passed him a glass of water before sitting on her couch; legs folded beneath her and, after pulling her robe tighter again, patted the seat beside her. "Would you like to talk?"

"Not really." He replied, taking the seat he was offered, taking a sip from his glass before placing it on the coffee table. Ziva took a deep breath and leant in, closing the gap between them, before kissing him slowly. His hands automatically went to the back of her neck and the tie to her robe.

He deepened the kiss as he pushed the silk off her shoulders and down her arms while her hands worked swiftly on his shirt buttons. Soon enough, Ziva's hands were holding onto his bare shoulders as she moved into his lap and he was pulling the black vest she had worn to bed over her head.

"Oh God Zi, are you trying to kill me?" He groaned as she bent her head, nipping at the sensitive skin beneath his ear before soothing it with a warm kiss. One palm covered her breast as the other slid into her black shorts and cupped her over her underwear, causing her to gasp against his neck.

"Tony…" She arched into him, trying to increase the pressure where she needed it. He chuckled before gently sucking on the juncture of her neck. "Bedroom?" She asked panting, how she was thinking clearly with his hands where they were was anyone's guess.

"Okay." He replied, slipping his hands from her only to put one beneath her backside and the other around her back before picking her up and carrying her to her bedroom. He placed her down with care before crawling on top of her and, while one hand supported him, the other removed her shorts and underwear in one swift motion. "Oh Jeeze." He moaned. "I've missed you." He smiled, kissing her shoulders before moving onto her breast. He ever so softly ran his tongue just beneath them, an overly sensitive place he had discovered, and utilised, after a particularly horrific case. She squirmed and her hands left his shoulders and settled at his waist.

"Please." He did love it when she begged. Groaning, he moved up just enough to bite her nipple before sucking it, hard. "Oh." She sighed, hips bucking unconsciously. The hand that wasn't supporting him, ghosted up her left thigh. She gasped gently as his fingertips stroked across her bikini line. He moaned at the noise before forcefully thrusting his finger inside of her. "Oh Tony." She moaned loudly and gripped his hip hard with her left hand while her right went to his belt. He looked up from her breast and watched her face as her eyes slid closed and her hand got slightly more insistent on his belt.

"You want me to help baby?" She nodded quickly. He lent back, away from her hands but not so far that his finger left her, and undid his belt, button and zipper, sighing with relief.

"Better?" She asked breathlessly.

"Nearly." Working quickly, he pulled his finger from her, eliciting a whimper, and removed his jeans and boxers before sinking into her in one movement. Ziva groaned painfully. But he ignored it and started to thrust into her, hard, grunting with the sheer force. She moaned, but more for his benefit than for feeling, and wrapped her hands around both his wrists, which were now either side of her head. "Oh Zi!" He growled. "Come for me baby!" She gasped like she'd been shocked as he untangled his hand from hers and pressed down hard on the ball of nerves that was sure to put her over the edge. She cried out and went limp, her muscles contracting around him, urging him to follow her into oblivion. He granted her body's unspoken request before collapsing beside her, panting hard.

"Oh God. I've missed you." He panted and kissed her shoulder.

"You said." She replied breathlessly before turning onto her side to face away from him.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked, concerned by the unusual post-coitus behaviour.

"Fine. We should sleep; we have work in a few hours." She replied ignoring the tear slipping down her face and onto her pillow.

"You sure?" He asked again, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Yes, Tony." She replied convincingly. "Go to sleep."

"Ziva talk to me." Well, at least she thought it had been convincingly. "What did I do?" She turned onto her back and his heart sank as he saw the tell-tell line of moisture that told of a fallen tear. "Did I hurt you? I know I was a bit rough, but, you should have told me if I was hurting you Ziva." He gently, wiped away the tear track.

"Would you have listened?" She asked quietly and his face fell.

"What? Of course. Why would you even ask that?" She sighed and stared at the ceiling.

"Have you noticed that every time we do…this…" She gestured down the bed. "We do not notice the other is there? I am guilty of it too. This…this is just a stress reliever. Something we do with each other because alone is not enough and neither wants the other to do it with someone else because we, well I at least, am worried that you will get hurt."

"Is that all this is to you?" He asked slowly.

"It is all that it is to you Tony. I thought I could deal with it, but then…"

"But then Jeanne happened and what you felt left out?" He asked his tone somewhere in-between hurt and defensive.

"A lot of things have happened, we have both changed. You were happy, it did not bother me, it made me happy. But…I am not sure we can just…do this anymore."

"What are you asking me Zi?" She took a deep breath.

"I am asking that you either make a choice to be with me, or you leave, now." She sighed. "I know how crappy my timing is but, you wanted me to have feeling yes?" He sat up against her headboard, mulling over what she had said.

"Okay." He said quietly, before getting off her bed and sliding back into his boxers and jeans. "I…I just can't do this right now. I'm sorry." She rolled back onto her side.

"Rule six." She spat, before sobbing quietly. He sighed and lifted his arm to take her hand, but dropped it mid-movement.

"I am sorry Ziva. You mean…something to me. But I can't do this right now." He walked out of her bedroom and let himself out, slipping his shirt and shoes on as he did. Ziva cried herself to sleep that night, not just because she had let him leave when everything in her was screaming at her to follow him, but because she missed the times when she had been able to sleep with someone without getting emotionally attached.


End file.
